nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
