eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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