I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize