dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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