do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
