Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
