This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
