my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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