My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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