You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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