At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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