I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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