nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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