I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
