I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
