Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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