Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
