dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
