I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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