Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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