he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
