Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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