omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize