It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
where am i from again
Say something about gay babies.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
foreskin is a definite game changer
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
