dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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