TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
