Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
