Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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