The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
