i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize