if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
