Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I touched a dick in church today
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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