Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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