im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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