I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
