you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize