There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
