Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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