I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
So much rum. So many feels.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
