I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize