Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
