are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize