I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
