This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
