Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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