dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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