I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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