I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Well I just put wine in my tea
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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