you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
