Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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