If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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