It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize