After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
