I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
