I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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