you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
