Sry I called you an 8
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
