True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i think my cat just said my name.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
