I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
