We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
