You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Found the puke drawer
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Im part way to drunk.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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