We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize