He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
