just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
