actually, I'm a sock model
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
