Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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