i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
