I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
