You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
