You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
