We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You made out with two different species that night
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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