i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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