idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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