Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
